I thought I jumped in a river. I thought I will just follow where the stream brings me…to the place I will never know. I don’t mind at all, for I’ve made up my mind. I am ready for the rocks, I am ready for the current. But seemingly, I am wrong. It’s not a river. Still can’t figure out what it is. It seems to be calm…but only on the surface. It has current underneath. And the current has dragged me deeper and deeper…until I get drowned and suffocated. Then it throw me up on its surface, enjoying the sun and the fresh air. When I start to look around –trying to see where I am– it drags me in again to its bottom. It’s like riding a rollercoaster. The only difference is that you never know when it will end. It has its own pattern, it has its own secrets….the ones that are not revealed, the ones that I am not let to learn. For this I am not ready, neither am I excited. And above all I am just f*ck*ng tired trying to figure out what I have jumped into.